Ferociously Observant

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. -Anon.

Let me out! 29 August 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — ferociouskater @ 1:03 am

I’ve been pretty complacent this summer. I’ve been plugging along, working, trying to take advantage of all the fun and unique things around here. I’ve been job-hunting off and on, dutifully attending Weight Watchers meetings each week, and cooking as much as I can. I’ve been using our complex’s amenities that I didn’t use last year: when the weather permits I’ve been swimming in the pool and playing on the tennis court.

And yet, the feeling of trapped hopelessness still overwhelms every now and again, and I crave spontaneity so hard that it hurts. As I read my friend’s fabulous blog on life as an exchange student in Ireland, I grow more and more restless. The mere idea that I could just get in my car tomorrow and drive to visit my friends, my family, even just visit somewhere I’ve never been, makes me almost giddy. But then I remember that I have a job, a husband, dogs, and a life here that I have to tend to. And the heavy realization is enough to make me gloomy for a couple of hours.

Usually this gloom is helped by a good time with friends, a fun night out on the town, or a good writing session. Today none of those things is working, and I know I’m just going to have to let my feelings work through until they’re replaced by contentment again. Because it’s back to work tomorrow.


Acquiescing in Autumn 21 August 2007

Filed under: Creations,Ponderings — ferociouskater @ 11:35 pm



This morning my friend Brian uttered the “f” word and sounded happy about it: Fall. Autumn. He had taken a rather lovely nap in front of his sliding doors yesterday, lulled to sleep by the crisp, clear air outside. He might have been fully ready to embrace that lovely chill, but I am not. Or at least I didn’t think I was.

This evening, however, I am lounging on my deck in slightly warmer crisp, cool air. The sun has been peeking out in spurts all day. It’s the end of August, and presumably it should still be 90 degrees outside, but instead I am comfortably relaxing outside at 7o degrees with our air off. With the prospect of going to the Renaissance Fest this weekend – a sure sign that autumn is on the way – I’m relinquishing my hold on summer a little more each day.

I go through a similar struggle with most seasons, save for winter to spring. I am always reluctant to give up the crispness of autumn to the bitterness of winter, or the temperance of spring to the harshness of a summer sun. It’s interesting to me, then, that I still get excited when one season changes to another. I will miss the afternoons by the pool, yes, but I relished slipping on a sweatshirt this morning. How, I wonder, do people live in climates where it’s always the same year round? I would most likely miss my little excitements at the changing of the seasons, would I not?
I will have to remember this post when it is 20 below zero and I am stuck inside under a gray sky every day for a week.


16 August 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — ferociouskater @ 2:07 am

If I can’t even walk into a place of business and have enough confidence in myself to sell my own talents, how am I supposed to be a lawyer? I hate it when I’m constantly questioning my own life decisions. It’s amazing how down on yourself you can get when it comes to employment. When did my self worth become equal to my occupational worth?


An Oxymoron or Fact? 11 August 2007

Filed under: Ponderings — ferociouskater @ 1:49 am

The other day at work, where most of my ponderings happen, incidentally, I was faced with an interesting situation. We had a client’s check come up to check with our check guarantee system, and while most of the time the machine is just testing us, sometimes it’s really a problem. We didn’t believe anything was wrong, since she had been writing us multiple checks over the last few weeks. So my co-worker calls to get the correct information and she accidentally misinforms the robot at the end of the line – she gives the wrong driver’s license number for the client.

So I call back to talk to a human being, because obviously the robot doesn’t know the word “oops,” because it declined the check right away. It took me – literally – 25 minutes to get the information I needed. First I had to give the human being the exact same information I had just given the robot. And then it took me five minutes to get her to understand my problem. Yes, I had the correct information in front of me. And then she asks all these meaningless questions, like, “How many times did you provide the wrong information?” And “Are both people on the checking account present?” And “What color is your shirt?” (Not really but I felt that would have been just as pertinent as the questions she WAS asking me.)

So after she’s finally gathered all the correct information (I had to give it to her no less than 5 times), she put me on hold. And I was on hold. And I was on hold. And during this whole period the client is sitting in front of me telling me, “I know I have money in there. I just put it in there.” And of course I believed her because she’d just paid us several times the days previous! Finally the lady comes back just to tell me that she’s now on hold so I have to wait for her to be helped and then I’ll be helped.

When something occurred to me: with all the technology available to us in this day and age, is it actually getting HARDER to do the simplest things?

How long did it used to take you to order a hamburger? Two minutes? And now you have to wait for their computer to ring up your order, you have to wait for the screen in front of you to show the exact thing you just told them, and then you have to wait for the dude in front of you to finish his cell phone conversation before pulling around to get HIS hamburger. And at the bank? I went to deposit checks today and the lady had to run them all through this check reader and then when I said I wanted cash back she rolled her eyes and ran them all through again.

What gives? Isn’t technology supposed to make things easier? You can control your whole bank account online now but if you set it up to make an annual withdrawl from one account to the other, you can’t ever stop it. You have to call the bank and talk to 15 different people before getting your money to stop jumping accounts. And don’t even get me started on tech support – you want the town handyman to come over and fix your fridge? Or the cable guy to come and fix your TV? I will bet good money that they waste their time on the phone with some version of tech support.

To make a long story short from earlier, our client’s check was still declined, for the reason that insufficient information made it impossible to accept her check. (Which I still say came from the first time my co-worker accidentally gave the wrong license number). Which means that we have to have her go all the way to the ATM and take out $500 in cash from the very same account.

Technology, making things harder? Pay attention next time, and try to remember back to a few years ago. I argue that our impatience has actually created more waiting for ourselves, in the long run.


And Now for Something Completely Different… 7 August 2007

Filed under: Ponderings,Randoms — ferociouskater @ 5:36 pm

Last post I wrote about The Good Life, and how summer brings about all sorts of wonderful feelings and events so that it seems like you’re on a constant high.

How can all of that change in one day?

This past weekend was another great one – camping with some of my favorite people. And today was another great day planned: weight watchers, job interview, dinner complete with a blueberry pie. But all I could think about when I woke up was, “Blah.” It was raining. Then my job interview was canceled. The blueberry pie is still on but somehow I can’t bring myself to get too excited about it. I have to go to the store. I’ve been going about editing some of my movies (finally.) And while all of these things have been exciting me over the last few weeks (even the grocery shopping!) suddenly I feel blah about them all.

Can the Good Life of summer only last when there are plans to be made and sunshine? I’m so depressed that the weather affects me so much.