I had forgotten how fun and refreshing a good, fun girl’s night can be. I’ve had very few since leaving college and my sorority sisters (enter your own sexual fantasy here…go ahead, I’ll wait. You done? Okay I’ll continue.) I’ve indulged myself in probably less than two a month, and less now that my friend Nancy moved away. This is not to say I haven’t had a lot of fun lunches, shopping trips, and events with my girlfriends this summer. But there have been very few times I call my husband and say, straight out, “Find your own dinner, make your own plans, I’m going out with (insert name here) tonight.” So last night was like that. And, in turn, it forced him to have a guy’s night. Which he has very few of. Which I have a few things to say about.
I talked a little bit about girl-guy friendships here, but there is also a stigma about same sex friendships while one is involved in a relationship. Why, in movies and TV shows anyway, that when girls go out on their shopping trips with their girlfriends their men are always relieved for the time apart, but when she is sitting at home and has no plans, and he wants to go out with his guys and do something, is there such a resistance? I understand if he is ignoring her for big chunks of time and uses what time they can spend together out with his friends, but traditionally guys talk about going to poker night and getting in trouble for it. Why, ladies, can’t we let our men have a fun time with their friends without getting snippy about when they’ll be home and what shape they’ll be in?
Neither Tom nor I really took a lot of time for ourselves and our respective friends when we lived in Maine, mostly because neither of us really had any respective friends outside of work (other than the blissful couple of months Brian and Kela lived there). We would come home and have dinner together. Go out on the weekends together. Sit and surf the internet together. Go to Bed Bath and Beyond together. And to tell you the truth, even though I loved it when he was home with me and missed him terribly when he was gone, the lack of our individual social lives really affected our relationship. I can’t imagine not allowing my man to explore his male social relationships freely, as long as he’s not gambling away our paychecks or drinking himself into an oblivion.
So last night, I forced him into a guy’s night. And as much as he grumbles about how it was “okay,” I think he really had a good time. Which was awesome, because I got to be girlie and go to the fabric store, watch a good movie, eat Chinese buffet and ooh and aah over baby clothes. The kind of chick things I need to do more often.
So girls that are reading this, please, even if you don’t have any plans for yourself, let your man have his fun with his friends every now and again. And guys, don’t be afraid to suggest your wife/girlfriend/whatever do the same. She’ll appreciate it without even knowing it, I think, but would miss it if it wasn’t there.