I have been doing a lot of introspection recently, and think that a good way to figure out who you are right now it’s a good idea to see who you were one, two, even four or five years ago. So I have opened my journal again and I found a really entertaining entry from Januray 16, 2004. I was just starting my senior year at Denison. Enjoy:
If one could have a court reporter in his head writing down everything he thinks or considers, mine would be typing like mad, all the time, 24/7. Sometimes the court reporter wouldn’t even need to record a day or time – it would be painstakingly obvious.
So tonight my court reporter, aptly named Phil, is at it furiously as usual. Every once in a while he looks up at me, rubbing his hands and shaking his head. He usually doesn’t even get a break at night. He’s mad, especially tonight, since he knows it’s back to full-time stress in a few days.
Tonight, of course this is only in part, his report might look something like this:
My head itches. And that guy with the telephoto lens looks like my mom’s boss. People are pissed at these refs, and for good reason – it’s a 7-14 game. What is with these rubber band-looking things in their hair? I hate it when they play the horn on the sign – it’s loud. Tom just yelled a command to the team but I don’t think even he knows what it meant. Why are little kids so damn cute when they run around? Some of these players are getting a bit of an attitude on ’em.
And sometimes, I want my court reporter, Phil, to record my vision, too. Like an ongoing camcorder. But who could be that artistic? Would it reveal so incredibly much about myself if someone could analyze everything I focus on? Would it mean something when my focus moved from the action of a fast-paced game to the Coleman water cooler that’s being drank out of? Maybe I was more concentrated on the finer points of that moment, the strange red hue of the cooler, the bright, contrasting white of “Coleman”, a reminder of camping.
But when would I have time to analyze such points? I’d have to stoop with pen and pad every few hours, perhaps even minutes, and miss that at-the-moment stuff like the 3-point shot I just caught in the corner of my eye. I’d have to have an analyst, too. My employees are expanding. Now I have the analyst, cameraman, AND Phil working full-time.
That analyst would always have to be checking with me in terms of what to keep and what to trash. The videographer would constantly be checking with the analyst to give him new input, and Phil would always, always, always have to submit all thoughts so I could check back for further perusal, in case I missed a genius point there somewhere. It would be a tiring, ongoing, Production that would last, well, my whole life.
So maybe I should fire Phil and the rest of them. I’ll be my own court reporter. Granted, the hand gets pretty tired this way but at least I’ll stay out of my head more.
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