I have been pretty restless the past few days. It’s been rainy, cold, and I have not been very inspired to write like I need to. So this morning I decided that I needed to sit down and make myself get something done. But I had been so blah in my own office the past few days I knew I had to get out. And this time, our regular coffee shop wasn’t going to cut it. So I proclaimed to my husband that today, we were going somewhere else.
He argued. He doesn’t like a lot of change, and this aspect about him has been bothering me for a while. He made some smart comment about me needing to just go overseas and live in a hostel for 6 months so I could get this “not ready to settle down” attitude out of my system. I laughed and told him I would start packing. He responded, eyebrow raised, that he’s miss me but I had to leave my debit card at home.
Tom asked me why I’m always wanting to go out and do something, why I always have to try new things. He asked, “Why is nothing ever good enough?” I thought about it for just a split second and replied, “How boring life would be if everything was good enough. I’d have nothing to work toward.”
It’s like tic-tac-toe. After you’ve played this simple game a half dozen times you have the strategies down, and even if you don’t win all the time the mere knowledge of how to win makes the game, on the whole, less interesting. Boring. I can last about seven games of tic-tac-toe, if I’m lucky. But then there’s chess: 16 pieces, 6 different ways to move. People spend their entire lives mastering chess and still find pleasure in strategy.
I don’t want a tic-tac-toe life. I want a chess life. I don’t want everything to be “good enough.” I constantly want challenges, stresses, new places to explore and new problems to solve. I want to think I’ve figured it all out and be slammed with a “check-mate” out of nowhere so I can start over and re-evaluate. I want to go to the other coffee shop, the one that’s a little further away, and I don’t think that’s a whole lot to ask.