Ferociously Observant

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. -Anon.

Time 14 May 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — ferociouskater @ 3:06 am

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” -Dale Carnegie

I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the future, time that could be spent actually planning for it. I have no excuse for this, other than perhaps that I am both female and a product of a very worrisome mother. I know that I get unnecessarily anxious. I know that usually the source of my anxiety never comes to fruition. Yet I still let the worries sweep over me and ruin any chances I had of enjoying any particular moment.

For example, the night before we left for vacation I was extremely worked up over whether or not I would get to spend time with everyone I wanted to see. In fact, I slept only one hour that night, which makes the fact that I went to bed the next night around midnight only a smidge away from a bona fide miracle. Time is probably the subject that causes me the most anxiety. I can easily forget that I am young, have many experiences ahead of me, and especially that I am in charge of my own life. If I want to make time to do something or see someone, I can and will as soon as I have the opportunity. I don’t have to wait for a cosmic invitation or a serendipitous sign from above.

And just as knowing all this didn’t help me the night before Cayman, it seems to be helping less now that we are home. I don’t see the new opportunities presented by change, I only see how it will rob me of valuable time. So until change occurs, I feel I must do absolutely everything under the sun to make sure time is not wasted. This can be a good attitude to have, even Shakespeare would agree, but it can also set me up for utter disappointment. I have to find a balance between seizing opportunity now (and not letting “time waste me”) and remembering that most experiences are only your last if you let them be.

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