My furry children never fail to amuse me.
This morning, I awoke to dampness and rain. Miles, the big dumb one, trotted right down the hall with the grace of an elephant and plopped down by the back door. Sadie, the smaller, loudmouth psycho, daintily tiptoed to the door, took one look at the rain, and sat down skeptically. While Miles could hardly contain his excitement at going into the big outdoors, where anything and everything is in fact possible, Sadie looked up and me with that hopeful grin on her face.
I rolled my eyes and opened the back door, barely feeling a wind as Miles flew past. I am wholeheartedly convinced that there could be a tornado in the backyard and Miles would still have to go investigate to make sure it isn’t water, his very most favorite thing in the world. Sadie, on the other hand, stood up, took a few steps toward the door, and saw the rain. She sat back down, tail wagging vigorously, looking up at me with her big, brown, beagle eyes. I could literally hear her little voice saying, “Mommy, I know you love me. Make the rain stop so I can go potty.”
I kicked her out the door, and five minutes later I couldn’t get her back inside.
As always, Miles came running – no, galloping – with his tongue flapping wildly against his face. We are also convinced that we have two Frankenstein Brand dogs. Sadie has a Beagle head stuck on a Blue Heeler’s body. Miles obviously had the tongue of a Great Dane transplanted into his mouth. So Miles brought his Great Dane tongue around the corner and barreled back into the house, leaving Miles-sized paw prints in his wake.
Sadie began in the back corner near the hole they haven’t been digging, they swear it, and crept back to the house at a pace one usually reserves for smaller, shelled reptiles. Around the tree, and, oh, what was that smell? Oh, no sorry, nothing, so around the tree again, and through the flower bed that’s filled with weeds right now, to – well I should circle that one more time, yes, and…no, Mom, I’m still moving toward the door. See? Now I’m inching along the fence, checking things out, there was definitely a raccoon here last night. And, oh yes, okay, so now I’m cutting across – see? I can cut across – the lawn and have to make sure – make ABSOLUTE sure – that no one dropped anything off the grill the other day. No? I’m almost there…one…more…sniff…allrightokay.
After her tail cleared the door I closed it, a little damp myself from all that waiting, and turned around to see them both sitting in front of me, tails wagging, trying to convince me that no, Dad didn’t get up this morning and feed us. You are mistaken – we have not been fed in weeks. I never buy it.
Two seconds later, Miles emptied the water bowl and Sadie wanted to go outside again. I turned my back on them with a chuckle and sat down at my desk.